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My attention this week has been looking at the effects of long-term stress over a matter of years relating to parenting.

How the long-term subtle effects can go unnoticed.

But for me when I consider the effects on the mind and body during a very intense time of at least a decade and possibly longer depending on how many children you care for.

I’m fascinated this week with “Concentration”

How long-term strain on the mind and body affects our ability to concentrate. 

Now……..I feel when I look at the research and consider comments I have heard and also read. 

This is a big one. 

I mean they are all big, but this one would resonate with a lot of people.

Women who return to work in what might be the normal time nowadays, but in times before it was imperative there were two incomes for couples or multiple jobs for sole parents it would be considered “early” will find it incredibly difficult to return to work as if nothing was different.

I have heard many parents speak about the lack of concentration they have or the fact that they have a short attention span. Sometimes it’s seen as a bit of a laughing point.

When we are not ourselves due to being deprived of space, energy, time & nurturing.

Our capacity to concentrate is reduced to the point where we can get confused very quickly!

Have you ever experienced or do you know of anyone who has experienced the below?

✔︎Reduced attention span. Unable to have long periods of concentration on one thing. You think you would love to sit down and do one thing and when you go to do it, you can’t. Your mind can not sit still long enough to complete the “assignment”!

✔︎Difficulty multitasking – now a lot of women, in particular, will say they can do this…..and I agree we can but within all of this multitasking, there are a lot of tags open and a lot of jobs still needing completion, so we are good at starting stuff but not as good at finishing them because we are too busy starting something else. And sometimes we find it difficult to switch between tasks which is a whole other piece to concentration.

✔︎Lacking clarity – difficulty thinking clearly and as a result making it challenging to understand complex information or solve problems

✔︎Forgetting stuff – when our minds and bodies are under pressure for long periods it can cause short-term memory loss, the possibility of making it difficult to remember details or instructions.

✔︎Reduced creativity – we are not as good at coming up with new ideas or thinking creatively.

These subtle changes to your life when you are caring for a child or children could feel very challenging and then on top of that going back to work, would be challenging even if it is a job you are familiar with. Externally the environment may not have changed, you live in the same house, you have the same job, you have the same friends, you eat the same foods etc, BUT internally there has been a massive shift and this sadly is where it has the biggest consequence.

If this is going on unconsciously, what could also be unconscious is pushing yourself harder to make up for what you see as lacking in your ability.  

Giving yourself a hard time because you aren’t able to get out the emails or projects as quickly as you once could. Or listen in a meeting and hear everything that was said and remember it. 

Or hear everything your children(s) teachers are telling you about their day. 

What is considered ordinary daily tasks may seem like a lot and pushing even harder might seem like a standard response. But if we looked at it a little more, we might see we are pushing harder, or getting angry, blaming or defensive to cover the insecurity that something isn’t as it was before and you can’t quite understand it and can’t explain it.

So, what do we do?

This can all be done without having to call someone or pay someone or go out to someone.

SLOW DOWN long enough to notice what is happening.

STOP and listen to your breathing – and then start taking deeper breaths

INHALE and EXHALE properly 😀

Everything changes in our bodies when we start to take deep breaths and it’s free!

It’s another way to feel, and present ourselves at the moment we are experiencing.

Deep breathing, moves the diaphragm down allowing more oxygen to enter the bloodstream, and improving oxygenation to the body, which is essential for us to be in good health.

It will reduce flight and fight activation and move us more towards calm and focus.

And if you are feeling stress in your stomach, it will stimulate the digestive system, aiding digestion and reducing bloating, tightness in the stomach and constipation.

After you feel more grounded you could write down your feelings and consider these questions?

What did you need at the moment? Safely, acknowledgement, compassion, support, guidance, leadership? 

Where did you feel it in your body, and what reaction did the body have? Heat, shallow breathing, tight stomach, tight through, shoulder tension…..?

What internal information was/is coming through? Be honest when remembering what you were saying to yourself.

Get good at noticing what you are saying to yourself when you were reacting to an incident.

“Sh*t I always forget”! “I’m asking too many questions!” “I’m so sorry, what did you say?” I lost my creative drive when I had kids” “It’s too hard”

I say this daily, I wouldn’t get anywhere without having a daily meditation. I still have days when I’m irritated or have to raise my voice to cut through the children’s interactions but I feel the effects of mediation daily and would highly recommend it even if it was 5 minutes to start with.

I’ve recorded a 5 Minute Body Scan below, you can do this whenever you need to re-centre.

5 Minute Body Scan

Hari Om,

With love and gratitude

Maria