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Have you ever had the feeling of being stuck in your life, or having reached a crossroads and had to make some major (life/work) decisions? 

The challenges have been there for some time and you have made little changes but this has only masked the underlying pain.  And you are starting to realise change is required in a bigger way.

For me one of the bigger turning points was NEW YEAR, 2008. I woke up the next day in 2009 and I felt terrible. Over Christmas, my good friend and housemate’s parents came to London to stay with us. We had such a wonderful time, every meal was planned and celebrated. I have such fond memories of that time. It was a time of good feelings and gratitude.

When they left to go back home to Spain, (which left a void) my friend and I had planned to go out for New Year’s Eve, and I don’t really remember the night being super significant but the next day we both felt awful, (we had tried to fill the void we felt by going out, but it made it worse).

I remember stating to myself that I was going to start taking my yoga practice seriously, up until then I had been one foot in and one foot out,

I wasn’t committed.

I had never experienced depression before and on that day I felt so depressed, yes alcohol had an influence but I hadn’t felt like that before, my mind was so disturbed, I felt really lost and confused and knew deep down change was crucial. 

Signs you might be at a crossroads

Feeling stuck or unfulfilled

• Feeling like you are in a rut and are no longer satisfied no matter what changes you make, (new job, new house, new partner, new country) to your current situation, it could be a sign you are seeking something more meaningful.
  

Uncertainty about your future: 

• Indecision and uncertainty play a big part in feeling stuck, feeling concerned about your next step or future.

Multiple options or paths: 

• If you are facing multiple options or paths, and each one seems equally appealing or daunting, and yet you are unable to make a decision without worrying if it’s the right one.
  

Desire for change: 

• If you would like to make significant changes in your personal and professional life but are unsure where to start.
  

Inner conflict: 

• If you find yourself torn between two conflicting desires, such as following your passion versus maintaining financial stability.

External changes: 

• Major external changes such as the end of a relationship, a career change, death a loved one, having a family, hormonal change, or moving cities or countries has a big impact.
  

I made the decision that day, I would first invest money into my yoga practice, buy a pass rather than drop ins, (it makes a big energetic difference) I was always messing around not committed.

I had no awareness at the time of how money and the relationship to our self-worth were so closely related!  

I never really knew where Yoga was going to take my life, I had no intention of teaching and in all honestly, I didn’t think I was going there for the spiritual stuff either.

I just remember feeling so happy in the practice, it was such a big change from the gym environment I had been used to for 15-plus years.

I was able to feel, stretch and experience my body, and it made me happy each time I got onto the mat, it was such an exciting time. I would have gone every night if I could have, but the teacher at the time only had a limited schedule.

And then over time, organically I started to be more interested in what was underneath the layers of the practice and relate it to how I was experiencing my life. I would witness how hard I would push, and how easy it was to get caught up in the practice and how it looked.

I started to form wonderful friendships and felt like I belonged in a community of generous and kind people.

I do appreciate that the yoga industry is a fierce one (and not always kind and fair) and that I have actually been incredibly lucky, I have never had any incidences where I have felt overwhelmed by influence or taken advantage of. I was always encouraged to make decisions based on what was right for me. I know this has not been the case for all.

The more I practiced and became a valued member of the community and studio. I began noticing areas of my life that were not as aligned as they once were. It’s not like they were wrong, but almost like I had out grown the behaviour and that I knew better. Drama plays such a big part in keeping us unconscious and invested in our beliefs systems. I started to invest my time doing things that lifted my spirits rather than create self doubt.

That led to an interest in transformation work or inner work, which supported my yoga practice and later on teaching.

Belief System Crossroad Blocks

Fear of the unknown

• When we are used to the known, and find it difficult to be in the unknown, making a decision based on a feeling is going to feel very uncomfortable. Have you ever taken a trip not knowing where you were going and were totally comfortable? For most, change can be scary, and for some of us who are programmed to set our lives up where everything is known and safe it’s hard to accept that the known or “living in the known” is in the past, where nothing new happens. 
• Our brains are wired to resist and staying in our comfort zone can hold us back from new experiences and opportunities. 
• Feeling fear does have an exciting element to it, and if you sit with the fear, you may be pleasantly surprised to feel excited about the unknown.
• It’s not about overcoming or overriding the fear you feel, it’s more about noticing the layers of fear that will reveal excitement too.
• Learning to notice what fear you are experiencing, fear: get out of here now, or fear: excitement, is the key.

Perfectionism/Control:

• Very easy to fall into this trap, we get stuck in the detail and then start procrastinating, and underneath that is control. Wanting to be in control so that everything is done perfectly, makes life way more complicated and dramatic. It blocks our creativity, it stunts our growth, stops us from making decisions, and stops us from fulfilling our dreams.
• If we wait for it to be the right time or perfect timing, we won’t do anything. We will procrastinate further, not taking any responsibility for our actions and further blame our circumstances for our lack of development.
• Being in control all the time means we don’t ever get to experience change or something new and that’s where the feeling stuck is manifested. We are suffocating ourselves and our own creativity by wanting to know and control every little detail before we take the leap into a new possibility. 
• When there is no room for error then there is no room to learn lessons or experience any personal growth either.  
• From my experience of heavily controlling situations, it was about looking good to the outside world, (I was good at getting things done but when I dropped the ball, boy was I hard on myself!) and not doing something was related to self-worth – not wanting to be criticised, that would trigger a deep self-loathing, and even being praised, that would challenged the self-loathing belief. What if I wasn’t as bad as I believed. With all of that going on underneath, the better option at the time was to continue controlling outcomes.

Overthinking: 

• When we’re faced with a big decision, it’s natural to want to think it through carefully. But sometimes, we can get caught in a cycle of overthinking that can be paralysing, and the result of this means nothing happens.
• Overthinking is also related to control and is another way of not taking responsibility for our actions. We spend all of our time going over the same situation and end up wasting time doing nothing.

Self-doubt: 

• We may doubt our own abilities or worthiness to make a change and give meaning to the life we have so far. But they are not related. Doubting our ability has to do with what we believe is true and a long time ago we could have decided we were not good enough and if you are looking for proof that you are not good enough, you will eventually find it.  Whatever we believe comes true so our job is to choose consciously what we believe and focus on this.

Lack of clarity: 

• Sometimes, we’re not sure what we want or where we’re headed. Starting with something as simple as asking for support so that you can take a bit of time alone to be with your thoughts is a way of creating space for clarity to come through.
• The clearer you are with your wishes the clearer you can be with decision making.
• Being in limbo land is another way for us not to want to be responsible for our lives.

Notice where you are coming from

Huh?

When we are at a crossroads or a place in our lives where we are wanting to create change or we know we are in need of creating change due to our physical or mental health, it is helpful to consider where we are coming from when we make these decisions.

Sometimes it’s that the pain is so high, we can no longer continue. It could be that we are mentally overwhelmed and physically we have pain in our bodies that we no longer want to continue experiencing.

We have done all of the things we thought might fix the problem, but we haven’t considered if we need to do some work on the inside.

I didn’t know what I wanted when I made the decision to commit to my yoga practice and eventually become a yoga teacher and someone who is interested in self-development/inner work, but it was the best thing that has happened and I am forever grateful.

I do know where I was coming from though. I was in pain and I needed to create change. All of the things I valued, were no longer serving me. I could continue or take steps towards change.

Maybe it’s too scary to look at ourselves and our behaviours, maybe we aren’t proud of parts of our lives, even ashamed. And maybe we are too afraid of the change, because who would we end up being, would I still fit into the world as I am? Will I still have the same friends, can I still drink, can I still do the things I am doing now?

From my experience things do change, but not in a way where you have to “give up” your current life, your current life just gets the most incredible upgrade. You have more freedom, choice, autonomy, self-belief, inner strength and a whole new level of consciousness.

But I think it is important to note that when you are seeking change because you are stuck and at a crossroads in your life, where are you seeking that change from?

When we come from a place of openness and compassion for ourselves, a place of acceptance, love, self-worth and a place of possibility, when we come up against challenges, like control and fear, self-doubt, we can maintain a stay-in-your-centre attitude. We won’t get taken under by the noise from the head that is telling us we can’t do it, because we make decisions coming from openness, compassion, acceptance, love, and self-worth.

Questions to consider if you are at a crossroads

• Where are you now? and where do you want to go?
• What is in your way?
• What support do you need to start?
• Where are you making your current decisions from? Fear, control?
• What can you do today that will lead you there?
• What do you want to happen?

I didn’t know where it was going to take me as I decided that day to start being more serious with my yoga practice and eventually become a yoga teacher and someone who is interested in self-development/inner work, and it wasn’t something I thought about all the time. It was quite simple, the pain was too high and I didn’t want it to continue. It was one of the best things that has happened and I am forever grateful. 

Yoga Practices to support us in a Crossroads:

🌟A yoga practice, can be a way for us to connect to the physical, to decompress from the tensions in our body brought on by the stresses in our minds, so we can create from clarity.
🌟A meditation practice could be useful first thing in the morning to re-focus the mind so that you feel, centred, grounded and aligned with the intentions of the day.
🌟An evening meditation practice or journaling could be useful before bed as a brain dump to receive worry-free optimal sleep.
🌟A deep rest practice – when we feel tired but wired, an opportunity to enter a theta state to reduce stress and anxiety states, improve creativity, reconnect us to our body.