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If I consider the times when I have overridden my boundaries and not listened or not considered my actions carefully enough and as a result I feel the desire to blame and relinquish all responsibility, my go-to place is frustration and anger, a kind of shutting down.

I’m feeling frustrated because I find myself in a familiar place where I’ve neglected my commitment to self-care and boundary-setting.

Respecting boundaries without feeling like you are the party pooper or an “always says no” person can initially feel lonely and isolated.

I’m currently working with my 9-year-old on setting clear boundaries so he feels safe and confident in his decisions around his friendship group and I have been reminded daily that this shift in behaviour takes a bit of practice. 

• “Disappointing” people can feel uncomfortable at first
•  It doesn’t mean anything about you if you say no. (that you are bad and should go along with what everyone else does)
•  It might mean you lose friends.
•  As a child being liked is important and as an adult telling my child what to say when they come up against conflict could feel like a massive hurdle for them.
•  There is a lot of agreement in the environment to do as you are told and not a lot of respect given in return as a child.
•  Unclear boundaries on my behalf have negatively affected his ability to navigate what works well for him and what doesn’t.
•  Creating boundaries out of resentment or anger brings more dissatisfaction.

My experience of interacting with yoga students over the years who have shared their stories of burnout or chronic illness with me has consistently stressed the significant role of establishing healthy boundaries in their journey towards recovery.

When I consider how it affects my 9-year-old even though his experience of the world is different to an adult, there are some similarities. 

• Feeling out of control
•  Inability to say no with clarity
•  Feelings powerless
•  Inclined to blame others
•  Lacking self-confidence
•  Self-belief, ultimately no one else can make decisions on your behalf.
•  Feeling detached from their body, “leaving” their body.
•  Overwhelmed
•  Inability to express emotions

The persistent absence of boundaries begins to disrupt our sleep patterns and compromise our immune system function. It elevates stress levels and anxiety, potentially leading to a chronic state of stress that can develop into long-term ailments or dis-ease, leading towards “burnout”.

What can we do to enhance our self-awareness regarding personal boundaries and develop the confidence to establish and uphold them in our lives?

• Reflect on your values, consider what your priorities are, how you want to feel and what is important to you.
•  Tune into your feelings, and use your yoga practices to connect to your feelings and the sensations and emotions you feel when interacting with others.
•  Set clear boundaries, and define what is acceptable and what is not.
•  Practice self-care, taking care of yourself and showing compassion reinforces this practice and builds confidence in upholding them.
•  Practice assertiveness, and learning effective communication allows us to practice setting our needs, desires and limits clearly and respectfully.
•  Seek support, and seek guidance from trusted sources who respect your journey.
•  Reflect and adjust, regularly assess and reflect, boundaries are not fixed and can be modified over time.

Creating a consistent and conscious practice, such as yoga and meditation, is vital in establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries that align with our values and provide ongoing support, especially during uncertain times.

To cultivate self-assurance and make confident decisions, it is imperative to establish healthy boundaries that prioritise our physical and mental well-being. This proactive outlook plays a crucial role in preventing illness and long-term burnout throughout our lifetime.